Upset about not being Maid of Honor
Dear Tilly, This might sound petty to some people, but I’m really upset at not being asked to be Maid of Honor at the wedding of someone I thought was my best friend. What’s worse is she didn’t tell me herself that she had chosen someone else, but I found out on Facebook. We’ve known each other since Junior High and I never thought this would happen. We used to kid around about what we would do to prank the other when it came time for one of us to be married and the other to be Maid of Honor. Now I don’t like pranking or laughing. I feel really hurt. My so called best friend has chosen a newer friend of hers for the role. And guess what? That new friend just happens to have a lot more money than I do since she is an attorney. Because of that the new friend has offered to pick up a lot of expenses. For example she will be taking the entire wedding party out for dinner the night before the wedding. Which of course doesn’t include me! I honestly feel like not going at all. I got the invite in the mail along with everyone else and the info on the gift registry, another thing I feel like boycotting. Please give me advice – I’m boiling mad and getting madder by the day. Jennifer in Des Moines.
Dear Jennifer, If there’s one common element in most weddings, it’s that someone gets their feelings hurt. And in this wedding, you are that unfortunate person. It does sound very painful and I’m sorry you’re struggling with how to handle it. I think you have three choices. #1. Never speak to your friend ever again and don’t go to the wedding – not my favorite choice. #2. Recognize the fact that your friend may have moved on and your friendship is not as key to her life as it once was – this choice is painful and it means you may go to the wedding feeling resentful and angry, especially if you have lingering feelings that she chose the Maid of Honor with the fattest wallet. Or lastly, and this is my fave – because it is the best way you can take care of yourself and not continue to feel horrible – accept #2, feel the pain, move past it, then go to the wedding graciously. In this scenario you fully accept that your friendship has moved to a new place. For the long term this means you are not as available to this woman as you once were. In other words, cool off a little but in a nice way. The added bonus that you should keep in mind is you can also thank your lucky stars that you are actually free of the tension, responsibility not to mention expense of being the Maid of Honor. You can enjoy the function free as a bird. I hope this helps. Good luck! Love, Tilly